Quantum Faux Pas

I just found out two weeks ago (right before my vacation) that my department (actually, this entire division of the company I work for) is moving to another state.  Thank you, job!  Thank you so much for once again turning things upside-down!  Thank you for making life even more unpredictable and uncertain than it already is!  Thank you for that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I wonder if my next paycheck is my last!  I love it when my guts churn with gas and bile!  Thank youuuu!

I keep thinking about the move I made to California five years ago, and how miserable and homesick and depressed I was for that entire year.  I like being back on the east coast.  I like being close to my family and friends.  I don’t want to live in a place where the only folks I know are my asshat minions from work (because all they want to talk about is work).  And I refuse to put myself in a position where I have to make new friends because people tend to suck (except for you). 

So, no thank you, job.  I must (un)regretfully decline your generous (in your opinion) invitation to join you in this magical land where English is a second language because most of the inhabitants didn’t make it past the fifth grade.  Sounds like a lovely place, really, and I’m so very appreciative that you ordered asked, but alas, I’m allergic to illiteracy and seemingly innocuous intimidation tactics.

…which means I’m looking for a new job.  Got some good prospects, but starting over is going to suck.  I’m Queen Bee here!  If I’m unable to oust the royalty at my new job (assuming someone hires me) I’ll have to go back to drone status!  I’m not the honey maker!  I’m the honey TAKER!  The honey belongs to ME! 

Ok.  Wow.

Job forgotten!  Thank you, oh imagination of mine!  Thank you for nekkid visions of Trent covered in honey with me stuck to his gooey interface!  It’s good to be Queen!

(I really need to take my sugar-beetus pill.)

I feel like I’ve been run over (more than twice) by an 18 wheeler…

and I couldn’t be happier about it!

When I mentioned “mosh pit” on my original post about going to see NIN, I was joking… sort of.  But it was no joke tonight.  Brother and I were 10 feet from Trent Reznor, so we were bound to be trampled.  Good news is, I didn’t break a hip.  Bad news is… there is no bad news!  I spent the night bathed in the holy light of Trent, so how could there be bad news?

I thought about titling this post “Closer to God” both because of my near death experience in the mosh pit, and because every single chick in the building (including yours truly) had an orgasm when he sang Closer. Remembering that moment still makes my nether regions tingle.

He was well worth the wait.  Sigh.  Swoon.  Drool.

Here’s some pics to prove it. Keep in mind these were taken with a mobile phone in the middle of a mosh pit so the quality is meh. And I only took pics of Trent. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what the rest of his band looked like. Heh.

Yum.

Have you ever been around a person whose presence or energy is just so soothing and comforting they make you feel like you’re a child in your mother’s arms being told a bedtime story?  Someone whose voice is quiet and motherly and makes your eyelids droop in a happy-nappy way?

There’s a woman in my department with just such an aura.  I used to work 3rd shift with her, and she never failed to put a smile on my face or make me feel cozy, even when I was having a hellacious take-this-job-and-shove-it night.  She came by my desk a few minutes ago just to catch up and pass the end of her break with small talk.  I’m smiling and happy and feel like taking a nap now.  My eyelids are heavy and I can vaguely sense the doorway to dreamland… but I have about 40 more projects to finish before I can cradle my weary noggin on pillows of silken clouds.  

Happy-Nappy?  DENIED!

I think Ms. Soothy McDroopylids needs a punch in the head.

In my dreams. 

Brother came through again!  I thought The Cure was my birthday present, but it turns out that was my Christmas present, so brother still owed my for my birthday.  So what did he get me (and him)? 

Tickets to see Nine Inch Nails in November!!!!!! AAAIIYEEEEEE!!!  Another concert I’ve been waiting on for 20 years!! 

Of course, he lied to me.  He told me the tickets were front row.  Well, it’s not technically a lie.  The concert is general admission, so if I beat my way through the masses, I could still be on the front row.  That said, doing so may prove difficult as I’m chronologically challenged.  I very much doubt the other (much younger) concert patrons would have much sympathy if I broke my hip while beating my way through them in order to get to my gods-given place on the front row in order to bask in the genius of Trent.  I’d most likely end up squishy mosh pit fodder.

Fuck that! Reznor’s older than me so I’ll never be too old for him!!

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the (cold) shower.

Seriously.  Can I? 

If gas is really going up as much as anticipated, I’m gonna have to find a way to convert the methane from my arse into a free fuel source.  I’ll be eating beans and broccoli for every meal, and saying NO to Beano! 

I’ve already got plenty of “fuel” to spare (I know, TMI), so maybe I could turn my fanny into a money making machine! I could retire from the cube farm, and open my own convenient store/service station!

“The Rump Pump: Cheap Gas & Free Beans!”

As soon as I suss out the conversion formula, I’m bidding farewell to the corporate America where I have to dress nicely every day, and saying “hello!” to wiping my bottom with $20 bills!

It’s nice to have a dream.  Even a stinky one.

1. My birthday was July 6th.  I received two of the best presents EVER.  One, my brother took me to see The Cure!  I’ve been waiting 20 years to see them, and they did not disappoint! Two, my roomie put together an awesome self-healing package for me!  It had tons of stuff I needed, so it was one of the most useful and thoughtful presents I’ve ever received.  Thanks you two!
2. After passing out in Wal-Mart one fine weekend, I went to my doctor and found out I’m diabetic.  Yippee.
3. Since I began studying Wicca, I’ve discovered that I’ve been Pagan all of my life and was just so “conditioned” that I never thought to wonder why my former religion never made sense to me.  I feel as if a weight has been lifted from me.  I finally have the faith and spirituality and joy that have been missing in my life for so long.  I’m happy with my spiritual path, and I have a sense of peace that I’ve never had before.  That said, getting laid would bring even more spirituality to my life.  I’m just sayin’.
4. I’ve discovered the wonder and magic of eBay!  I’ve also found that I bid on crap I don’t want or need just to win.  If I believed in the devil, eBay would be his most powerful minion.
5. I think that’s it for now.

This is a test.  I think I broke something.